Unintelligent oafs found in every biome | Dungeons & Dragons
Ogres are large creatures full of testosterone and instincts. These guys will pick a fight if you look at them funny. Although they travel in smelly bands, they lack a tribalistic camaraderie and sense of family. Ogres are the pinnacle of omnivores, eating pretty much anything and everything that moves. They have preferences for elves, halflings, and dwarves, and a penchant for eating their targets raw. Despite being lazy, they surprisingly enjoy the thrill of chasing their targets around, relying on pursuit predation rather than ambushing or luring. Ogres take trophies and engage in a form of “macabre craftsmanship,” in addition to generally liking things that are shiny.
So, you’ve just beat one and want to take home something, you know, more than what they keep in their caches. I’m right there with you, and of course you know I love getting creative with fantasy science. Remember, we’ll be using real life science to draw conclusions about fictional creatures. Use these findings for inspiration, explanation, or fascination.
Now, let’s break down ogres a bit more:
Ogres have small eyes (and can see in the dark), flat noses, and a large mouth full of sharp teeth
Ogres are capable of growing facial hair
They’re temperamental, quick to anger, and are probably, definitely, full of Premium gasoline levels of testosterone
They’re built out of raw muscle and are capable of uprooting trees; also, for their size, they don’t carry much fat in their extremities
Okay, a quick aside about ethics. Ogres are fantasy creatures, but their body composition mirrors humans – head, neck, two arms, two legs, torso, ten fingers, ten toes. We’ll be drawing conclusions about Ogres based on a mix of human and animal biology. This is solely to enhance the TTRPG experience and is meant to be understood in the context of fantasy. Get it? Great. Moving on!
Given that Ogres are pretty cut and dry with how they operate – meaning I don’t have to go into how they could suck blood and how they could be invigorated by lightning (but you can read about creatures that do have to do that here and here!). Let's talk about an Ogre’s physiology, and then cover biological looting. Of course, we love some biological looting!
Ogres and Onions, or Something Like That
Ogres are omnivores, as they’re stated to eat “almost anything,” but their teeth aren’t built for ripping into anything but meat. They straight up don’t have flat-edged incisors like we do, and their mandibular makeup is meant for piercing the carotid artery. You know, like, if you were to face someone and bite into their neck with teeth like that, the teeth would line up with that artery. Their most prominent teeth are their lower canines, which border two medium sized pointed incisors. The smallest teeth are located in the back of their mouth and on their top row, with spaces there that indicate room for the biggest teeth to poke out of their mouths, should they close it. The Ogre’s torso shape, large, short neck, and oversized stomach indicate emphasis on the digestive tract’s functions. Because of their gluttonous lifestyle and large size, they appear to have a shorter, wider rib cage to accommodate larger digestive organs.
Now, Ogres are pretty gross, alright. I propose that this grossness extends to every part of the Ogre, including their internal organs. By that I mean, I’m proposing that their gastric juice is absolutely rancid. We could stop there, of course, but you’re reading this blog, and we never stop there. Let’s see how an Ogre digests food, and get some uses out of its stomach juices.
Before we can even do that though, we gotta understand what gastric juices are. Gastric juices make food particles soluble by breaking down the molecules into smaller, digestible pieces, and turn the food into a semi liquid called “chyme” to be processed by the small intestine. Gastric juices are composed of water, electrolytes, hydrochloric acid, and digestive enzymes. These enzymes break down the food, since just hydrochloric acid alone isn’t enough.
I say that, but let’s talk stomach acid.
So we got three types of eaters: herbivores, carnivores, and omnivores, right? But beyond that, we got “specialist” species and “generalist” species. Specialist animals, such as pandas and koalas, need certain, specific plants in order to live. This is not Ogres, like period. Ogres definitely, without a doubt fall into generalists, which include scavenger garbage babies such as crows and raccoons. Generalists are further defined by their ability to survive in many different environments, including urban and agricultural land with plenty of humans around. This is exactly what we see in the Monster Manual, where Ogres are found in all biomes, including the Underdark, and make homes near farmland to eat livestock… and the farmers…
Briefly, let’s touch on scavengers. Ogres don’t really fit into the traditional “scavenger” role. Scavengers are meant to clean up an ecosystem of decaying meat and plant matter. Scavengers don’t really engage in hunting, as we see with Ogres who enjoy the hunt and the kill. For this reason, we’ll be focusing on biological similarities, rather than forms of predation to draw our conclusions.
Cool? Cool.
According to “The Evolution of Stomach Acidity and Its Relevance to the Human Microbiome,” carnivores and scavengers, such as birds, have higher stomach acidity (lower on the pH scale) compared to herbivores and even carnivores that prey on exclusively insects or fish (Beasley, et al., 2015).
There are two important quotes from that study:
“Carnivores need more acidic stomachs in order to lyse the protein in their meat-based diets."
“....scavengers rely on the high acidity of their stomach to prevent colonization of their guts by foodborne pathogens.”
Also that study calls stomach acid an “ecological filter,” and you know what, I dig that.
Absolutely Awful Animal Alimentary Tracts
Given that Ogres don’t really seem to care about what they consume, including eating things that have molded, let’s look at a creature with a similar eating pattern: vultures. Both Ogres and vultures consume meat, bone, skin, and cartilage and are considered generalists. Let’s talk turkey vultures (Cathartes aura). Turkey vultures have a stomach acid pH slightly above zero, so we’re talking battery acid levels of intense. This lets them dissolve hard stuff like bone. An article from Record Searchlight says, their acid is “...lower than car battery acid and 100 times as concentrated as human gastric juice. It can dissolve metal, e.g. shovels (Chelle here interrupting this quote. Shovels are such a specific thing to mention. This feels so personal. I need to know, did they turn their backs and suddenly a vulture started eating one of their shovels? It's not like they said something like iron or steel. They specifically mentioned a shovel.).” (Greaney, 2017)
Not only that, turkey vultures have quite large stomachs and a preference for recently deceased meat. Their stomachs are home to two bacteria, Clostridia and Fusobacteria, which cause things like gangrene and tetanus in humans (Harris, 2014). These two aid in digestion by adding to the creation of a ridiculously hostile environment, which lets these guys eat just about anything without suffering ill effects. This could definitely be present in Ogres, and you could take this into consideration when inflicting damage. Like, if you get bitten by an Ogre and live, you might get sick from its saliva mixing with the wound.
Okay, that was a long carrion conversation, let’s see about a couple more. Hyenas (Hyaenidae) have a terrifying bite force at around 1,100 psi – giving them jaws stronger than big cats like lions, which have a 650 psi bite force (humans sit at about 160 psi). Hyena teeth are meant for munching and crunching on entire skeletons, horns, and hooves. Hyenas are special creatures that are distinct amongst the carnivore family. They can digest their food in 24 hours, but can go several days without food thanks to their stomach holding up to 31lbs/14.5kg of meat (Victor, 2022).
Lions (Panthera leo) may have a weaker bite force, but they’re good carnivores to look at, since they consume large pieces of bone, fur, and even quills. Not only do they have a low stomach acid pH at about 1.1, but where their small intestine connects to their large intestine (a pouch called the “caecum”) is actually backwards compared to humans. This is an evolutionary trait that allows those dense pieces to not become lodged (Smith et al., n.d.). Plus, a lion’s ability to digest things like fur and bone mean that a protein called leptin releases slowly, making them feel full for longer periods of time. Ogres are lazy creatures that enjoy making dens and lairs out of areas they’ve defeated the inhabitants of. It could be assumed that Ogres eat large quantities of food in one sitting, which satisfies them for a few days. Now, that doesn’t mean they’ll pass on eating – they do eat when they feel bored. However, it’s their cache behavior leads me to believe that they, at least, go more than a day without entering big hunt mode.
Ogre Acid and Bite Damage
Let’s make some educated guesses! So if we conclude that an Ogre’s stomach acid is as rancid as a vulture, with teeth similar to that of a hyena, and a digestive tract similar to a lion’s, what does this all mean? It means that if you were to loot an Ogre for its stomach acid, this is saying the DM lets players get the straight up acid and not the chyme, and here’s what I think you’d get:
A Vial of Ogre’s Stomach Acid
Splash the contents on something within 5ft of you or throw the vial up to 20ft away
It deals 2d8 acid damage initially and 2d4 acid damage to the target, at the start of your turn for 1d4 turns
The acid cannot be wiped off, since it neutralizes after 1d4 turns
The acid deals repeated damage as an homage to an Ogre’s gluttonous behavior, but it becomes neutralized after 1d4 turns since it’s not magical acid. It comes from a natural source and is a consumable item (don’t drink it, you know what I mean). While it may have the same properties as magical acid, it can’t stick around as long as a spell could. Yeah, Ogres have car battery levels of acid in their stomachs, but the acid is constantly in use and working with the entire digestive system to be at its full potential. Ogre stomach acid is still stronger than the regular basic acid, but in a stagnant form, it’s just not as potent as magical acid.
Why isn’t there bite damage for Ogres? I know they use tools to fight, but come on:
An Ogre's Bite
+4 to hit
1d6+4 piercing damage
Ogres have a rough bite, but for a creature of that size to like, bend down, and take a chomp, they’d have less of a chance to hit than if they were to use their weapons. The reason behind this could be that Ogres just aren’t proficient with their bites, as they are with weapons. But still, it could be useful info to have.
Ogre Rage and Adrenaline
Stomach stuff is done! Let’s talk the adrenal glands!
So Ogres are extremely temperamental, right. Their stat block says the only way to calm their rage is for them to tantrum until they run out of things to destroy. High amounts of anger lead to a flood of adrenaline, and Ogres experience a lot of that. The adrenal gland is the little hat that your kidneys wear that release all sorts of hormones into the bloodstream, when we experience anger. They’re also responsible for activating the fight or flight response, and needless to say, Ogres have a fight response.
We got some key hormones here:
Cortisol, the “stress hormone,” helps with, you guessed it, stress management
Epinephrine (adrenaline), increases blood pressure, blood sugar, and heart rate
Norepinephrine (noradrenaline), same as above, but also constricts blood vessels
Androgens, male sex hormone responsible for physiological changes such as the deep voice, body hair, and body shape. Androgens also help make estrogen
Here’s the scoop of how an Ogre (and also us) gets angry. Someone looks at an Ogre funny or the party bard tries to do some propositioning. The ogre isn’t buying it, so the little almond shaped dude in its brain, called the amygdala, starts perceiving a threat. The Ogre’s prefrontal cortex throws the shred of judgment it had out the window. The adrenal gland starts making cortisol, epinephrine, and norepinephrine to give the Ogre an adrenaline rush. Throw in the fact that an Ogre, probably regardless of sex, has a lot of testosterone, and you’ve now got a frenzied Ogre.
Alright, what about testosterone? Testosterone is produced in small amounts by the adrenal gland, but would mostly be found in the Ogre’s gonads ; so, my editor has called them the Ogre’s “ooga boogas, ” and it made me cackle. Let’s go with that one. Testosterone is mainly found in the Ogre’s ooga boogas, but I’d propose that their adrenal glands would produce more than the average human’s. Anyways, when the amygdala is stimulated by cortisol, serotonin (regulates things like mood and reward), and testosterone, the prefrontal cortex essentially gets ganged up on. These 3 further prevent the prefrontal cortex from producing rational thought (Batrinos, n.d.). Ogres are also particularly dumb, let’s be real…it has an Intelligence of 5. There’s not a lot of judgment to restrain. When testosterone levels outweigh cortisol levels, there is less of a feeling of fear and less consideration for punishment (fight). Higher levels of cortisol are associated with submissive behavior, since it creates a feeling of fear when in stressful situations (flight).
Creating a Potion of Rage
Now, bear with me here, let’s use a little fantasy, okay. If I were your DM, I would let you squeeze an Ogre’s adrenal glands like a kitchen sponge so you could make a Potion of Rage. This is what it’d look like, based off the Rage rules in the Player’s Handbook:
Potion of Rage
Bonus action rage, lasts one minute
Advantage on Strength checks and saving throws
When you make a melee weapon attack using Strength, gain a +2 bonus to the damage roll (level 1 bonus in the Barbarian class, and it's also the challenge rating of Ogres!)
Resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage
Ogres: Final Thoughts
Ogres are fun creatures to fight, given that they’re both predictable and unpredictable. We’ve now taken one of the most stupid creatures in 5e and applied way too much logic to it. How’s that for some irony?
FAQ About Ogres
• What’s the difference between female and male Ogres?
Honestly, probably not much. We know that they’re humanoid because of how they look, and they do have belly buttons which indicate live birth with an umbilical cord. Thing is, based on the artwork, I can’t definitively say that they have nipples (meaning that their sex would follow XX and XY, not something else entirely). I zoomed in really close and I think they have nipples, but that could also just be me actively looking for something vaguely that shape and calling it there. But, when I first thought of this, I assumed they didn’t because of how uniform their chest looks.
That was relevant, I promise. The reason being is that I needed to draw a conclusion without knowing about their ooga boogas.
They have evolved to be different from humans – their size, their ears, their teeth, etc. Because of this, their lifestyle might affect their sexes, where females might not need to lactate, which means everyone has a flat chest. They might be born with a mouth full of chompers that they either lose quickly to begin tearing into flesh, or keep permanently (hyenas, lions, and boars are all the former). There might not be a need for females to be as developed. They could give live birth without lactation.
I also think Ogres are just full of testosterone, so the females would probably have deep voices, facial hair, be bald, and have a small chest size, regardless. They can reproduce (see belly button), so they must have evolved to handle large amounts of testosterone.
Ogres can mate with humans, bugbears, orcs, and hobgoblins to make a Half-Ogre called an "Ogrillon."Ogre genes here seem to be the "dominant" gene, as the Manual states that if an Orc and an Ogre mate, the result is considered a Half-Ogre. Though, human mothers rarely survive childbirth.
• Do Ogres have tusks?
They have fangs. Tusks are enlarged teeth that poke out when the mouth is closed. They do have that, but they don’t exhibit tusk behavior, such as fighting others with them, using them for defense, and digging for food. They use the big teeth for tearing into meat, which makes them fangs.
• How would I add an Ogre to the party?
Give them something shiny. Don’t try to convince them. Give them something shiny, then give them another shiny thing. Maybe illusion in a Giant to order them around? They like that.
• Why are Ogre’s faces like that?
Their eyes remind me a lot of moles. They’re small and beady and they have night vision. Moles are nearsighted but are very good at detecting light, so they can find openings in their tunnels. Ogres could be a couple things. They could be similar to moles, where they’re nearsighted and really good at detecting light changes. Their small eyes could be a further visual representation of how dimwitted and unattractive they are, since large eyes are typically seen as endearing. Perhaps their eyes just lost out on facial real estate... Smaller eyes in exchange for a larger mouth and wider nose. Large mouth and nose mean a stronger olfactory sense.
I think their ears are actually a disadvantage. Usually when we see pointed ears in nature, these ears are distinct and can move independently to help with hearing – think dogs and cats. Their ears are flat and thick, stationary, and lack the inner definition that ours do. I think the tiny eyes and silly ears all contribute to that grand total of 8 Passive Perception.
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